In a Big Dilemma!

OMG.

I'm trapped in a big dilemma.

What should i do? :(

As I told you before this post, I rejected that English competition held by Binus. But then I thought about it like, all the time. And now, I'm sort of in-between: should I take it or shouldn't I? ugh! :(

There are so many things that made me want to go. Like the experience, and then living independently for a few days (lol), and also meeting people from other countries, and also the apartment is close to the entertainment areas (hahahahaha). However, there are things which made me hold myself back and decided not to join. Like, the AFS. Mum preferred to spent the money into AFS than joining this. She meant that if i'm not serious doing this competition, then why the hell she has to spend millions? the money will be wasted. While I am not sure if I can compete with the others and think that this competition is out of my league.

And a thing that makes me sure i can't do this, is that the competitors are from the English-speaking countries and surely they learn and speak English everyday, and I don't. And I guess all students from private schools in Jakarta learn English better than I do, so yeah. It's pretty very tough.

Then, what should I do? :(