2 Double Us

Actually I have so many ideas but idk how to express it. Gini aja deh ya.

Dunia jelas berubah, we can't expect things are going to be the same as the past. Temen2 sd gue berubah, makin gaul. Yang sering ngumpul lah apa lah, ya u kno lah. Temen2 smp gue juga. Makin gaul juga. Temen2 gue di samarinda, makin hari makin asik juga. Dulu mungkin kudet skrg ngga. Tapi, to be very honest, some of them are just too bitchy than i ever thought (no offense guys). Dan yang paling bikin gue agak ngenes sendiri......kayaknya beberapa dari mereka ada yg udh ketemu jodohnya. Abis punya pacar kenapa mukanya mirip gitu sih :(

Jadi, pertanyaan gue adalah: when will i meet the one karena jujur aja gue agak ngenes ya liatnya HAHAHAHAH gakdeng.

Udah ah gabut bener gue nulis ginian, mana titlenya gajelas lg ini post

Born & Death

So today, I visited one of my neighbor who just got a baby boy 5 days ago. The baby's a cutie :3 

And since I came with my other neighbors so the others were talking about their experiences when they had a baby, while I checked my twitter and there's this "selebtwit" who just passed away yesterday.

And then I realized that life is about arrivals and departures; when we were born, we arrived in this world. And things are coming and going before God takes our lives, depends on what He wants. Maybe, we have someone new in our life, but we don't know how long they will stay by our side, so all we can do is praying and waiting when the time will come.

Newborn babies come to this world, but when someone dies, they're not going somewhere else; they're going back home.

Raining~

"It's raining.. Outside the window

It's raining.. Just like the day you left me.."

Well. That's some of Geeks' "It's raining" lyrics, and yes, it's raining here in Samarinda. And I can't attend my english class today at EF, because i didn't want to (too much excuses, Audrey). And it happens to be raining outside, hehehehe.

Tomorrow there will be 2 tests, physics and economics. If I didn't lazy I would have studied like from few hours ago but I feel exhausted and want to sleep but I can't. Thank Goodness I'm in period so I can skip prayers ;-;

I can't understand almost the entire physics' materials so pLEASE HELp me mum

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire!!!!!! (Part 2 - review)

I watched the Catching Fire already!!!! It was an epic movie. I'm not joking, period.

There was bunch of romance. Katniss - Gale, kissed several times. And with Peeta, there were more kisses. And I'm not kidding when I say I can't forget Katniss and Peeta sweet scenes!!

Also, i couldn't stop saying "he's cute"; "he's a hottie"; and "he's hot" when I saw Finnick, Gale and Peeta. They were the hotties!!!

About the story, there were some different scenes from the novel. You could see them for yourself, there was too much differences, hehehehe. The movie made me wanna watch Mockingjay, like, RIGHT NOW. PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE!!!!

It was an epic movie, after all. Can't wait for the Mockingjay to come :)

I CANT FORGET PEETA AND KATNISS'S MOMENTS. AND THEIR KISSES. THEY'RE JUST TOO SWEET PLEASE

           Me with the "Girl on Fire"

Blogging from ma phone yo!

Soooo I'm bloggin' from my phone today and I'm doing my history homework -sigh- and i have an app to edit your photo with nyan cat!

It's.... Nyan Cam!

                    Here's the logo

I also have an edited photo with nyan cat. Actually i posted it to instagram already but you can see it here

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH I'M GONNA BE TRAPPED IN AUDREY'S FINGERS"

HAHAHAHA i'm actually kinda bored today so I started to post this. 

Btw the Catching Fire was released few days ago, and i'll watch it today! Kinda late but whatever.

The Hunger Games!!!!! (Part 1)

OMGOMGOMG I BOUGHT THE TICKETS ALREADY SUPER EXCITED IM BLOGGING FROM MY PHONE AAAA IM SO HAPPY IM GONNA JUMP AND SCREAM AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

(It's too much, i know, but whatever)

So today, i'll be watching the hunger games with Virta, and I met people. My teacher when i was in bunga bangsa and her daughter; my ef classmate (she's my schoolmate as well); my friend when i was in bunga bangsa, Nanda; my juniors in jhs, Vanda and Esa. Idk who i'll meet next! :D

I'm super excited it's too much i know but have you ever waited for something like, months or even years? I've waited this movie since the early 2013 so no wonder why i'm excited much heheheh ;D

I'll post you my review about this movie later!

Worries

Why should I worry things I shouldn't worry about?

I'm worried now. Worried about the "pola lantai" thing for my art class. Worried of about not being accepted in society. Worried about the biology test tomorrow. Worried about the first semester test especially in physics because I don't understand most of the lesson. Worried about the burning mall (the building's not totall collapsed) and I can't go watch Catching Fire because the only theaters were there in this town because my dad kinda forbid me because he heard that the fire alarm system sucks there (but luckily no one hurt in that accident). Hopefully they'll close the theaters because of this so I won't get hurt watching them watching The Catching Fire. Ughhhh.

I worry so much.

I know.

I should stop writing because I need to learn for my bio test tomorrow.

Bye.

I Have No Idea What To Write As A Title I Know This Is Too Long For A Title But Whatever

*background music: Deeper conversation - Yuna*

It's been awhile since I rada galau, and it happened to me. Again.

I never hate them personally. I just hate them for being together. I hate him for loving some other girl. And I hate myself more for not cherishing people who love me the most. Now, he's gone. To other life people who need him.

I know people come and go. But it's such a disappointment if I waste such a guy.

I lose someone who liked me that much, and all I do was hurting his feelings over and over again. It's like you lose something that has been there for years but you never use it, and suddenly it's gone. Indonesianya, hampa.

I found this when I was surfing the internet recently, and somehow it hit me.

Cherish the people near you before it's too late.

and yes folks, it hits me until now.

Samarinda or Jakarta?

Since I'm from Jakarta and live in Samarinda, I'm gonna make some comparison about these 2 cities. Well actually Jakarta is the city. And Samarinda is more like a small town.

If you ask me which is my favorite, I can't decide. From the social life, I prefer Samarinda. I've found my very best friends here and people are just......nicer than Jakarta. However, I'd prefer Jakarta when it comes to entertainment. Sorry to say but Samarinda is lack of entertainment, to be very very honest. It's like you can't always get what you want or need here, while Jakarta has everything. Literally everything. Except the traffic and relaxing atmosphere. You can never really be relaxed when you're in Jakarta, just saying.

While in Samarinda, the traffic is waaaaay better than Jakarta (of course) and when you're going to any places it takes like 5 until 30 minutes, depends on the distance and the traffic, of course. So if you have an appointment at 10 am you can go from 9:30 and there won't be any serious traffic unless there's flood or something else serious. But trust me, Jakarta's traffic is a lot worse than that.

So the conclusion is, it depends. However, I was born and raised in Jakarta. So no matter how bad Jakarta is now, I'll always miss the city, the places and people who brought me memories.

Today, I....

Feel nothing.

Things were just normal, as usual.

I got home from school earlier, as always these 2 days. I do tests. Yesterday I'd done my English test, and I did it well. And today I had Indonesian and Math, and I did my math well, while my Indonesian was so-so. Idk. Let's just hope that I can get better good scores on all subjects.

And then, idk why I often be cranky these days. The first one was last Sunday, and today I almost became cranky when my mum didn't answer my phone and went shopping supplies at the mall instead I called my dad to pick me up and I was like wgejfcevkfilyesbgiwifvcdfbholsfjdskfh UGH MUM.

After all of that thing, I arrived home, took a rest and played Candy Crush Saga while waited to go pick up my bro at Bunga Bangsa. Finally we went to Bunga Bangsa, and I met my old classmates and my new friends there in the High School. I told my friend Cita a story and secretly asked her and Virta to go watch Catching Fire on Sunday (The premiere's on Friday though). So yeah.

Today's a flat day, and idk whether TV shows could really make my night. I should check it.

P.S: I'm still secretly hurting. And confused because my phone's battery is draining fast when I just put it without using it. Ugh.

Japanese Dinner

I should've posted this yesterday but I was too tired because after I ate dinner I had to learn for Math test (sigh), which is today.

So, yesterday, I was eating in this restaurant/cafe named Zushioda and actually I've been there several times and eat their sushi quite a lot (hehehehe). I ordered Udon, hot Ocha tea and this sushi called Chigyo Roll. Also I ate some of my dad's sushi, I forgot the name of that sushi. I actually never liked sushi before but thanks to Zushioda I like sushi! :D Also they had this live music. The band sang some (almost ALL, to be exact) songs that I knew. I liked when they sang Titanium by David Guetta and Sia. They also sang Gotye and Kimbra's Somebody That I Used To Know :D

Unfortunately I can't give you any photos of the dishes due to my low-battery phone, hehehehe.

Untitled

Why are my parents are dangerously nice today. It's kind of strange.

Even when I cried this afternoon they wasn't mad at me and bought me lots of biscuits.

Except for my lil bro, I'm still mad at him. He didn't ask where did he go and left me so I didn't have the chance to tell my dad to buy me some biscuits.

And I ignore him for that. I know it's childish but I'm mad. Yeah I'm a mad sister, and never underestimate the power of a mad sister, especially when the sister is me.

Fyi I got cold and all I did was watching Dating Agency and NCIS on tv. And now I feel something in my throat eeeeek :(

I don't feel like going to school tomorrow, like really. Even though I'll have English, but I'll also have H-I-S-T-O-R-Y. Ugh effing mind map, when will this nightmare end, like seriously it's been 2 months since we started to make mind maps and presented those shits in front of the class and we have to remake it with different topic if we're wrong, even if only a little bit. The teacher kinda sucks for being TOO perfectionist. UGH.

Scout Scout Scout :D

Hello guys, as I said in the previous post I had scout yesterday and it was fun ^^ also it was my first time to learn about scout since my old schools never gave me scout lesson :B so I was confused at first, but then i just get used to it. So, in yesterday's scout lesson, there was this outbond activity. We were divided into groups called "sangga" (idk how to spell it) and there are levels in scout and each levels has their own group names. Like, in my "level", called Pandega (it's for high school students), the group is called sangga. And it's gonna be different in Siaga (for elementary students) and Penegak (for Junior High students). And so on, so on, and so on. There was too much to explain and not all of those lessons I understood :v.

Back to Sangga, my Sangga was named Tulip (every girls group have to name their groups with flowers and boys group with animals) and my teammates are the ones who haven't got groups, like Amel, Icha, Azzura, Dexi, Diana, Elsya, that 3 girls I didn't know (or I forgot, to be exact) the names, and I.

In this outbond activity, we were divided into groups of 6 groups, so it was a lot of girls :l and we had to play 6 games. Unfortunately, my group only played 2 because the time wasn't enough. The first game was played with lots of straws and an egg. The objective was, how to make the egg bumps when it hit the straws, and without making it broken. We failed --" because we didn't know we could stick tapes all around the egg (fyi they gave us tapes and scissors). We lost.

The second game was played with 4 strings that attached to 2 walls. As a team, we had to figure how to pass each gaps without touching the strings. As it got higher and higher, we were confused how to pass those gaps, because we were all heavy and we ought to work hard to carry some of us. And I, was the one who got carried by my friends. That was tense to me, but I trusted all of my friends to carry me, I knew that they can. :)

We also learned things. Like in the first game, it's important to plan anything with your teammates. And the second, we must trust our teammates. So yeah, like that.

In the end, at the closing, we sang to this song about our fingers while we raised each of our fingers. The first lyric is like this:

Ini namanya jari jempol
Ini namanya jari jempol
Apa kata jari jempol, sayang
Kalo belajar, jangan ngompol

(fyi it was a funny song)

And when the lyric came to middle finger, everyone raised their middle fingers. Hahahaha :D

To be honest I'm glad I didn't skip the scout that day.

But now I'm a little bit unhealthy :(

Boredom Gallery

Hiya people! So today i had a scout and it was fun^^ also, I took some pictures while we were waiting for the Outbond (or whatever it is called) to start. And it was a total B O R E D O M to be honest.

With my friends, Azzura and Leony

Ugh I'm fatty fat :( and pardon for my face on the 8th frame HAHAHAHA

Excuse my faces here HAHAHAHAH ok

So yeah. Sorry for any inconvenience while you're looking at these photos.

P.S: i'm totally fat!!!

Randomly Random

I'm gonna talk about random things here so yeah.

Besok pramuka. I've got all the equipment which is yay! Seumur-umur gue sekolah, bahkan baru SMA ini aja ada pramuka hahaha. Excited much, tapi tetep aja terkalahkan sama rasa malas+capek :p gatau kenapa akhir-akhir ini bawaannya mau tidur terus kalo di kelas, dasarnya emang tukang tidur kali ya :p

Terus, akhir-akhir ini jadi jarang belajar :( gurunya masuk, tapi banyakan engga. apalagi senin kemarin abis hutsmansa. mana pulang cepet lagi, trs akhirnya cuma belajar 1 dari 3 matpel di jadwal senin. Gitu deh SMA Negeri, dikit-dikit libur, dikit-dikit pulang cepet, dikit-dikit gabut :D hari ini aja pulangnya udah kayak anak TK jam stgh 10, malah siangan anak TK ahahahah no offense ya, just joking :) btw tadi abis pulang sekolah, langsung cari perlengkapan pramuka, trs mampir sebentar buat beli jas ujan trs makan siang di pizza hut!! :9 satu sih yang kurang, i really really want ice cream but i didn't buy any when we, my mum and I, were having lunch. heheheh.

I'm chatting with my friends and twitter-ing as I write this. Nanti ada les mtk dan blm ngerjain pr *sigh*, mau ngerjain tapi ngantuk *sigh* dan abis nonton K-drama Dating Agency setelah ketinggalan 2 eps *sigh* dan mau nonton The Heirs tapi ngantuk mager tapi kalo ngga nonton makin ketinggalan setelah Rabu sm Kamis kmrn ngga nonton *sigh*

But my lil bro, Fawwaz is going to be out at around 7 pm for his kempo lesson, and I'm free to watch Running Man! That's why I love Friday the most <3

I'm sleepy. Bye *yawn*

Bad Day (Ever) :(

*background music: Agar Kau Mengerti by Abdul and The Coffee Theory*

Today's probably the worst day on this week. I suddenly became moody, simply because....

My heart is broken.

Do you ever feel that you have a crush on someone special for no reason and then suddenly you know that he has a crush on someone else and they're recently flirting with each other as you speak to him?

It definitely breaks my heart a little. No, into so many pieces.

And then you feel happy again for having the ones you love the most around you and dream about something else funny and it makes you happy and then you have a crush on someone else. But you don't know who's that someone else. And so on, and so on, and so on.

Goodness, why is this so complicated. I'm emotionally unstable.

Maybe it's because I don't know who to love. I don't know whether if I like him or someone else. I'm still in-between.

I actually never tell people about my feeling to this guy, unless they know it from their instincts. Like my best friend who understands me well, she already guessed it (I guess. If not, she won't tease me hard for liking this boy). Because to be honest...... This boy used to like me a lot. He's one of my ex.

And today, I heard my friends talked about this guy and the girl he has a crush on. And they were teasing me like, "Yo Audrey I bet you must have been jealous to his new girl" and I said "no, I don't" while actually my heart said "DAMN YOU."

But the funny thing is you always know who to come when you're in such condition. Like when you're happy, you're sad, you're confused, you always come to this guy who has been your friend.

And I didn't cry a lot this time.

Maybe he doesn't mean that much to me? I don't know.

But I'm not going back to him, not after I hurt him couple times back then.

Screw love, I'll go to bed.

L.O.V.E

*background music: L.O.V.E - Jessie J*

Tonight, I'll talk about something pretty complicated: Love.

What is love? *berasa EXO qaqa*

Jadi, cinta itu perasaan dimana lo ngerasa peduli akan sesuatu atau seseorang dan ngerasa pingin sama seseorang atau sesuatu itu terus-terusan. Love is universal, jadi kalo ada yang bilang "gue cinta lo banget" ke ortu, jangan diketawain. Atau ngomong kayak gitu ke temennya, jangan juga dibilangin homo. Geli banget gitu ya? iyasih. Tapi biarin aja. Kan sayang. <3

Well, what if you love someone that is not either your family or friend?

Boyfriend? Crush?

Menurut gue sih, boleh aja suka sama orang. Wajar kok, apalagi kalo lagi puber-pubernya (lol). Cowok cakep dikit diliatin sampe serius banget, terus boleh aja kalo naksir orang, tapi jangan kayak orang psycho juga sampe stalking dia kemana aja, atau dia ngapain aja. Emang ngga ilfil kalo tiba-tiba liat dia lagi ngupil? -____-. Dan soal pacar........udah lazim banget kayaknya umuran SMA udah ada pacarnya. SMP bahkan SD aja udah punya kok. Terus pasti ada dramanya, terus ditinggalin mewek, galau berhari-hari. Gitudeh. Capek ngga? iya. Doi bakal balik? ngga. belum tentu.

Gue sendiri, pernah juga kok. Tapi main-main semua hahahaha -____- suka beneran sih ya ada, sama org ke-2. yang org ke-1 sm ke-3 ngga terlalu hahahahah (it's because they were not what I want, karena ga tegaan kali ya gue *douchebag alert*). Tapi mereka semua baik kok :D paling cocok sama orang ke-2, kalo diajakin curhat dia denger aja, terus cerita-cerita banyaaaak banget, dan dia anaknya lebih muda hampir 2 tahun hahahah mantannya berondong lol :p. pernah sama adek kelas, kaka kelas juga, temen seangkatan juga. komplit deh :b tapi ya yang paling indah yang ke-2 itu. move onnya aja lama banget hahahah :)

Terus kalo ditanya, my kind of perfect boyfie itu yang kayak apa, ya paling kurang lebihnya tipe2 cewek lain ya. Pinter, baik-baik aja, alim (wuahahahah), cakep. But once again, all those types mean nothing if I fall too deep for someone hahahaha. bener deh, I fall too easily ke orang yang menurut gue emang gue suka. Dan bukan paksaan untuk ini-itu. There's this quote from my favorite K-drama, Reply 1997. Let me quote it for you:

'Liking someone isn’t a choice. It comes from your heart.” – Joon Hee (Reply 1997)

So, gue kadang suka sama orang yang mungkin dia ngga terlalu cakep (tapi jangan jelek banget juga) dan ngga terlalu pinter, tapi dia beneran pas dan mau ngertiin gue <3

'It’s not like you can choose who you like.” – Joon Hee (Reply 1997)

Talking about love, pasti pernah ngalamin one-sided love a.k.a cinta satu sisi a.k.a kita suka dia, dia suka yang lain. And i think it's kinda stupid. Really. Soalnya kan kita suka sama orang, tapi dia gasuka balik, ngapain diperjuangin, walaupun dia udah jadi Our It-Guy, yang perfect buat kita yang segala-galanya yang bagus buat kita, yang udah sesuai buat kita. Tapi ternyata bukan buat kita. Mungkin ada sisi buruknya dia yang kita gaktau dan itu berarti kita udah dilindungin sama Yang Di Atas biar gausah tersakiti kan *seh*. Yaudah.

That’s why life’s stupidest thing is a one-sided love. -Tae Woong (Reply 1997)

Tapi, kita suka ngebantah tentang itu semua. Ada kan tuh beberapa quotes yang bilang bahwa kita gaperlu orang yang perfect buat kita, yang penting seseorang itu ada buat kita terus. Ada benernya sih, tapi kalo dia bukan orang yang kita harepin? Kalo bisa kita berusaha suka orang yang awalnya kita gasuka itu. But what if you can't try your best? Still from Reply 1997, here's the complete quote from the quote above.

You have to be content with a dream that’s close. If you chase after one that’s far away, your heart will hurt and your insides will burn. A futile passion only leaves heartache. That’s why life’s stupidest thing is a one-sided love. But the reason that stupid one-sided love is worth trying is… that passion can sometimes make miracles happen… sometimes go the long way around to help you fulfill a dream… and even if it doesn’t allow you to realize that dream, it allows you to linger near it and find happiness.” – Tae Woong (Reply 1997)

So it's your decision, eventually; take it or leave it! :)

“They say that people are born with a red string that they can’t see, tied to their pinky fingers, and the end is tied to the one you’re fated to be with. But the thread is twisted this way and that, making it hard to find the other end.” – Yoon Jae (Reply 1997)

Hobbies and Dreams

Punya hobi? iyalah.

Pernah punya cita-cita? pastinya.

Pernah mau sesuatu yang pengen banget kesampaian, you have to wait for years to achieve it? pasti jarang.

Well, sebenernya kalo ngomongin tentang hobi, hobi gue sih banyak. Nih ya, baca novel, nonton dvd/drama, dengerin lagu, kadang masak atau bikin kue, terus.........tidur ;) HAHAHAHAH.

Detailnya, kalo baca novel pasti semacam novel romance, kadang novel berseries, atau komik Hai Miiko, atau pernah baca kumpulan novel detektif kayak Agatha Christie. Tapi yang terakhir itu kadang bacanya merinding sendiri so I decided not to buy the other collections anymore :p Bahasa Inggris atau Indonesia, asalkan suka ceritanya, pasti disikat. cuma, karena tinggal di Samarinda, susah mau beli English books. hahahah :D

Nonton film juga gitu. Entah di XXI/21 atau dvd, kalo suka ceritanya pasti ditonton walopun kadang baru telat banget nontonnya -____- contoh, 500 days of summer, udah happening kapan jaman baru nonton sekarang. Atau mean girls, film hampir 10 tahun lalu, boomingnya udah dari kapan, baru sekarang-sekarang ini nontonnya. Asli kudet parah hahahaha -_________- kalo drama, sekarang ini lagi suka k-drama. Drama pertama yang ditonton itu Dream High. Terus ada Reply 1997, The Heirs, Dating Agency: Cyrano, sama Flower Boy Ramyun Shop. Paling favorit itu Reply 1997, nonton berkali-kali aja ngga bosen. And I'm waiting for Reply 1994! kalo ada yang streaming episode-episodenya, minta yah ;) hahahahah. ohya, kadang suka nangis sendiri kalo lagi nonton atau baca, hahahaha :'D

Kalo dengerin lagu, as I said in my bio on the right side of this blog, hampir semuanya suka. Asal lagunya enak juga didengerin. Jazz, Pop, Rock, Blues, K-pop, pokoknya kecuali lagu Indo yang alay macem kangen band dan kawan-kawan, dangdut (apalagi dangdut disko), dan heavy metal yang screamo-screamo gitu (even if I have one song, Final Episode by Asking Alexandria. It was because of someone listened to this song so I tred to download it hahahaha lol :p). Right now, I like some of JT's songs. Tunnel Vision from 20/20 Experience part 2, Mirrors and Suit&Tie from 20/20 Experience part 1, and also Holy Grail featuring Jay-Z. I also listen to Indonesian singers such as Adera, Nadya Fatira, HiVi!, and etc. But most of all, I LOVE TAYLOR SWIFT!! gapernah bosen denger lagunya dia <3<3


And talking about dreams I really really wanna achieve, sebenernya ngga tau mau jadi apa kalo udah gede. sempet mau jadi Interior Designer atau mentok-mentok jadi Fashion Designer, but thanks to my poor drawing skill so I'm not suitable for those kinds of jobs hahahaha :p terus gara-gara ikut tes bakat, it said that I can be a doctor, or a businesswoman, or a psychologist. Jujur aja waktu itu kaget banget, kayak bukan gue banget. Tapi kayaknya makin "ditunjukin" dengan bagusnya nilai Biologi dan Kimia. Tapi yang penting sekarang sih, belajar aja dulu. Benerin tuh nilailo drey, ahahahah :p

Cita-cita lain, kepingin punya Macbook sama tinggal di luar negeri. I'm really obsessed with Europe and I want to continue my studies in Germany <3<3 entah kenapa kepingin banget bisa lanjut sekolah di Jerman, maybe it's because my Uncle Sandhy Sondoro lived there and studied there, so yeah.

But for now, yah emg gue harus belajar yang bener dulu kali ya. I'll have my chance someday. Yang penting ngga boleh berenti berusaha aja, kalo emang Allah menghendaki ya bakalan terjadi kan, it'll come in the right time :D

So, cheers!

In a Big Dilemma!

OMG.

I'm trapped in a big dilemma.

What should i do? :(

As I told you before this post, I rejected that English competition held by Binus. But then I thought about it like, all the time. And now, I'm sort of in-between: should I take it or shouldn't I? ugh! :(

There are so many things that made me want to go. Like the experience, and then living independently for a few days (lol), and also meeting people from other countries, and also the apartment is close to the entertainment areas (hahahahaha). However, there are things which made me hold myself back and decided not to join. Like, the AFS. Mum preferred to spent the money into AFS than joining this. She meant that if i'm not serious doing this competition, then why the hell she has to spend millions? the money will be wasted. While I am not sure if I can compete with the others and think that this competition is out of my league.

And a thing that makes me sure i can't do this, is that the competitors are from the English-speaking countries and surely they learn and speak English everyday, and I don't. And I guess all students from private schools in Jakarta learn English better than I do, so yeah. It's pretty very tough.

Then, what should I do? :(

Story of My Life

Hi people!

I want to share you the story of my life. This is usually shared as a video, but as you know I can't speak fluently and i have a heavy voice it sounds bad in recordings or films and i have nothing interesting to be made as a video so I'll write it here! :D

My name is Nur Shadrinna Imannisa, people called me Audrey. Don't ask me why i could get such a nickname from such a real name because i'm tired answering it :( the point is if you pronounce my name right, you'll know why. Nur Shadrinna Imannisa is an Arabic name, so it's supposed to be pronounced "Nur Shodrinna Imannisa" and Audrey is supposed to be pronounced "au-dree" (au pronounced as o). 

I was born in Jakarta on April 21st 1998, so I'll be 16 on April next year. yay for one step ahead going on 17! *cheers* now I live in Samarinda due to my dad's occupation here. I've been here for about 2 years while my dad has been here for 6 years or so. I have no family here simply because I'm not from here (ofc), and all of my family member were born in Jakarta and grew up there, so it's sort of their first time living outside the big city hehehehe. I go to SMAN 1 Samarinda now, after graduating from Bunga Bangsa Islamic JHS, I'm on my first year of high school, so yea I'm excited! f yes :)) I've graduated from Al-Fath Elementary School and continued to Al-Fath JHS for a year before i moved here. At first I didn't want to move but I realized that this town is such a place to live than Jakarta even though Samarinda is lack of entertainment (no offense :p) and if you ask me whether I like this city and the environment, I like it. Less traffic to deal with ;p

Before I live here, I lived in Ciputat, Tangerang Selatan. So I am one of the Jakarta Coret people - a term to call people who live outskirt of Jakarta. And before I lived there, I spent my early years as a kid in Parung, Bogor. I remembered how far my Kindergarten was from my house, and my parents' office was even more farther. There were only 3 of us, my lil bro wasn't born that time. We spent time together, and went through the hard times together. Everytime i remember such a thing nowadays, I really really want to cry T^T.

By the time I reached like 7 years old, my family moved to Ciputat and my lil bro was born. We spent most of our childhood here. At first, it's because my grandparents lived in the same neighborhood as we were, then they moved to another townhouse near my old school, so there we were. We met our new neighbors and they were really nice. I met a friend named Ruthia, and she's still my BFF right now :) and the kid who live next door, Iqi, her height is slightly the same as mine while actually she's only 11 years old! And also Ghina, and her lil bro Ghifran, their family were really nice to us even though there was some kind of a problem but they still really nice to us. 

And my cousin, Kyla, also knows my friends in this neighborhood so we usually gathered in my room and do things. Sometimes Ruthia and Kyla stayed for a few nights, and we usually walked around the neighborhood and looked for snacks, hahahaha. Or maybe we usually went to PIM and hangout together. Or maybe just went to KFC/McDonalds near my house and ate there. Sometimes my Aunt joined us. 

And finally, after about 7 years living there, we had to move. And here I am in Samarinda with my family and friends :) talking about friends, I miss them to be honest. I miss my neighbors, my family, my old friends when I was in AFJHS, and my friends in Kumon and EF. I usually spend my vacation at Jakarta to meet all of them, ahahahah :D also I miss shopping at the mall, hanging out on fast food restaurants, and visiting my school/kumon/ef. I miss Jakarta so badly :o

Well, it's not all. But this is my life in general. nothing is special, yet it's memorable. :)

Bad things that happened to me these days

Inspired from my friend's "On the Downside of The Wheel" , I'm going to write some of bad things that happened to me these days.

The first is, I couldn't help blaming myself for being such a stupido for getting 5 subjects under KKM or whatsoever the name is. while actually they were SO DAMN CLOSE to 75, the standard score for each subjects. So I could say that my scores weren't THAT bad. Like, 1 subject was scored 74, the other is 70, and the others were around 60s. But i still feel bad about me failing the mid-test and etc.

I got a perfect score in English which made me happy, though my grammar is often wrong and i want to be like my friend, Virta, who writes with a perfect grammar. At least she does better than I do. *sobs*

The second one was rejecting an English competition (fyi, i don't like English. I LOVE IT) held by Binus in Jakarta. I actually didn't regret this much, but I lost my opportunity to represent my school in that competition. It's because the fees, they're just too pricey for me. While my mum wants me to go for AFS and she wants to save the money for that, in case if I'll be sent to study abroad.

Also, I feel like I couldn't compete with the other kids from another countries in south-east asia. It's because all of them speaks English more fluently than I do. Even almost every private schools in Jakarta are International schools and they speak English like, everyday. I'm not saying that I'm afraid to lose or I don't want to try my best, but knowing that this is going to be out of my reach, so I prefer rejecting it than wasting my money for something useless. No offense, but I've got feeling for this, and I'm following what my heart says right now. I should do the right thing for myself, shouldn't I? :)

The third one, I feel extremely moooooody today. I'm annoyed by the fact that I couldn't do things right when it comes to Maths or Physics, but then in the next minute I was happy for understanding the lessons, (and when i can't do the test, I'd be desperate again). And someone stubborn was trying to convince my friend to not doing something in an annoying way. Me, when I heard him, i felt like I want to throw him with 586324793857683687483285874957832 tons of bricks and kick his ass out from this town and go throw him in a place where he can do anything he wants to without making people annoyed. Ugh! :(

Idk why but I feel mixed feelings these days. one time I'd be happy, the next time I'd feel sad, and then I'd feel fall in love to someone unknown for no reason, dreaming the it-boy and the future and another cheesy things and then I'd extremely brokenhearted and then feel sad again. I'm too moody, yes I realize it.

I'm hungry, and I should eat. I'm listening to Say by John Mayer as I write this. It's my favorite song for now :)

Okay bye go die, Audrey. Lol

Being a Teenager

Being a teenager makes me feel the feelings I've never felt before. 

Like being free, you can do anything you want without worry, as long as it's okay to do.

Lo ngelakuin sesuatu buat nyari jati diri, lo jadi lebih sensitif sama hal-hal kecil dan kadang bisa jadi moody.

and the last one, you feel love. You have crush, then he becomes your boyfriend, and you're desperate when he wants to break up on you. Pokoknya, banyak lagi deh perasaan macem gitu.

Kalo gue, kadang gue ngerasa bebas. Bisa kemana aja, jalan sama temen-temen atau siapapun itu, karena udah dianggap bisa jaga diri. Tapi satu, kadang gue ngerasa agak dikekang juga kalo dibandingin sama temen-temen gue yang lain. Mereka bawa kendaraan, gue masih dianter. Mereka boleh pulang malem, (kadang) gue nggak dibolehin. Pastinya sih ada alesannya ya kenapa orangtua kayak gitu, contoh perempuan nggak boleh balik malem-malem. Gak aman, katanya. Kedua, emang gue belom cukup umur lah bawa kendaraan. I can ride cars and motorcycles, but I'm still 15 going on 16. Tapi setidaknya, orangtua gue ya selo aja sih, toh gue juga ngga melakukan yang buruk dalam "pencarian jati diri". Karena sesuatu yang bebas, harus tetap pada batasnya kan. :)

That feeling when you're fall in love, i've been there several times. Pacar alhamdulillah pernah punya, hahahaha. But it's not my concern now, because i realize that falling in love is complicated. Emang indah sih, tapi itu baru awal. Not to mention how much you will feel sad because of your problems with him, and the break up part that saddening you for days until you'll feel desperate of getting him back and cannot concentrate on anything. So, i'll focus on my study. Gila belajar aja deh gue, mending nangisin nilai jelek daripada nangisin cowok hahahahah ;)

But so far, I'm okay with my teenage life. Mungkin masalah pasti dateng dan pergi, but I won't be here if I can't survive. Gue masih mikir, teenage life is the crucial part of your life. so just enjoy it in a right way. :)

I miss this moment.

Every human beings have memories of what they went through in their lives. Like your first step, first word, first book you read, first day of school, graduation, farewell, first day of college, and funeral. And mine is this.

My Junior High Graduation. Sorry for the beautiful ugly photo.

My junior high life here in Samarinda was the best moment of my life. And another great moments are yet to come, hehehehe.

I met these remarkable friends in a class full of girls. There were 11 of them (some of them weren't in this photo). They were the ones who listened to every stories i told them, every laughter i shared with them, the ones who gave me shoulders to lean on when I'm on my gloomiest days, the ones who supported each other even if we fought. the ones who forgave every kinds of mistakes i've made and always accept me as I am, even until right now. Now that i'm no longer seeing them on a daily basis, it's kinda difficult to share everything that happened to me to them. Okay, maybe things are more sophisticated, we even chat a lot. But I don't get that kind of feeling when I just told them right away, face to face. Moreover, some of my friends are outside the town so it's hard to meet up. :(((

I've listened to Lebih Indah by Adera (Indonesian singer) when i wrote this, and I found the suitable lyrics for these amazing people:

"Dan kau hadir, mengubah segalanya, menjadi lebih indah..." :)

 Oh damn it. why am I so emotional whenever I talk this kind of topic.

wondering

I had lots of thoughts in my mind as I wrote this post.

Like, what would I become when I grow up?
Where will I continue my study?
Can I be independent, living abroad, someday?

There are things you should consider as you enter high school. Like, what major you should take when you're graduated later. or even further, what job should you choose. And yes, I've thought all of that.

One day, my mum asked me to online-meeting with a counselor to know what's my "hidden" talents so I could choose what major later in college. And it turned out to be 3 jobs that related with my talent: entrepreneur, psychologist, and doctor. Like........ Doctor?! I'm not even THAT good at biology. But again, Allah has showed me His unexpected plan. I got pretty good grades at chemistry and biology though i'm sort of disgusted with bloods and organs and etc. or maybe i could choose like apothecary or pediatrician or dermatologist. Well, let Him guide wherever He wants me to go then. :)

And about studying and living abroad, my parents and I have talked this kind of conversation several times, and all we talked is about 2W+2H: where would I go; what major I'd take; how to pay the fees and living costs; and how can I survive when I don't even want to clean my room. But then, my parents ended up with, "well we have to give it all to Allah and never give up reaching dreams. If it meant to be, it will happen."

All i could do that time was just talking to myself, "it's right."

yay first post! :)

Hello!

I decided to make a new blog after what happened in the 8th grade and i became trauma to post things on my blog, so yeah. I'm Audrey and I'm in 10th Grade now!! *highschool dance* and i start to make a new blog because i've really wanted to share you folks what's in my thought, and to be honest, there's A LOT OF THOUGHTS that i'll post here. so enjoy:)

A.