I'm sorry.....

do you ever feel like a plastic bag~ no I'm not going to sing that.

but seriously, do you ever feel like you're invisible, or feel like people use you for their own matters and after that just leave you because you're nothing more than a piece of shit?

well, I do sometimes. In fact, it is happening now.

At first I felt that practically everyone was keeping their distance. They shared secrets, talked about the rumors, and i had a hunch that they were actually talking about me. i know that even if it wasn't about me, it was still none of my business. I was curious, so curious that sometimes my curiosity annoyed them. And still, i felt like i was being left out by the others.

What did I do? what was the thing that irritated them?

No matter what their problems are, I'm going to say sorry.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I annoyed you people. I'm sorry I did things that hurt you. I'm sorry I said some stupid things that made you want to punch me in the face, with a chair. I'm sorry if I wasn't up-to-date like you all. I'm sorry if I didn't do cool things like you, didn't read the books that you read, or watched Sam and Cat every afternoon instead of the cool movies you watched. I'm sorry if i was out of control about everything. I'm sorry if I was a dork. I'm sorry if I acted childish. I'm sorry I couldn't be the best.

I'm sorry if I too cared about what you said about me.
I'm sorry if I chose to be myself instead of the fake person like everyone did.

I'm sorry I can't be perfect.
But oh, I'm not going to sorry about that one.

My Fav!! (For Now)

it's been awhile since i updated my favorite stuffs, especially songs. so as you know from the title above i've changed my must-listen songs (because i'm moody, yeah) and these are my fav songs for now:

(note that there are some indonesian songs)

1. Bastille - Pompeii

2. Pharell Williams - Happy

3. John Legend - All Of Me

4. Tulus - Sepatu

5. Raisa - Pemeran Utama

6. Tulus - Jangan Cintai Aku Apa Adanya

7. Tulus - Gajah

8. Christina Aguilera - Reflection

9. Katy Perry feat. Juicy J - Dark Horse

10. Sara Bareilles - King Of Anything

(although there are some old songs but they're all good.

And sorry if my taste in music is lamer than you think because it is what it is. :p)

oh and also i love to do these things in my leisure time:
1. checking Youtube and see if Bethany Mota uploads a new video. omg i always love her style and the way she talks and showing thingsssss that's why i suddenly wanna live in US and get all the stuffs like she did and i've always wanted to get one of her collection. the more the better, actually.
2. twittering. gosh it's like my all-time fav.
3. take a nap. still.
4. watching TV. I usually watch k-drama but since i found an extremely cute guy in a J-drama so now i start to watch it <3
5. EAT.

these are my favorite things, what's yours? :)

#newsflash

i've heard so many bad news this month and i feel sorry for those who had lost their loved ones. :(

just this afternoon, i heard one of my classmate's father passed away. several weeks before, my friend's father also passed away. And my another friend's father died also. 3 fathers are already gone, may they rest in peace. :)

moral message: having a complete family is a blessing, so don't take it for granted, and respect your family before they're gone. one mistake and you'll regret everything :)

D-1 To The Doomsday (for me)

i know, i know. it's D-1 until my departure to Jakarta and join AEO in Binus. i shouldn't have said doomsday actually, because i'm not experiencing some kind of mental breakdown now. but my friends do.

practically, almost all of my friends got mental breakdown. some of them cried (+because of the other personal matters that they had), and the others keep telling me "I can't do this". so, i often calm them down and encourage them that they can. but, can i tell you something more than that here?

Dear my fellow friends,
I know that everyone has their own desperate moments. but really, we haven't even started anything. We've only practiced here. so, don't be embarrassed with your ability to do this thing. nobody said that your performance is bad, isn't it? so don't be a pessimistic person. the jury are not dictators, so don't be afraid of them. Winning isn't the goal, but getting experience is. just do your best and don't give up, okay?

I know you can! so cheer up! ^^

-A (i want to make myself like 'A' in pretty little liars so yeah)

Valentine's Day?

well i actually didn't celebrate this thing but i used this moment to cherish the ones that i loooove so much!

I did bring chocolates today but I didn't get any from a guy, well it's because I'm not interested in guys and they don't interested in moi as well (haha), so i brought those for my friends :)) we had this chocolate swap and I got KitKat bars when actually I brought 2 mini cadburies hahahah but we ate it together in the end.

Well, once again I didn't celebrate valentine actually because 1) i don't have a boyfriend, I even have no crush, and 2) i think that we should love people everyday and not in just one day. but i use this moment to give my beloved friends chocolates and I'll get free chocolates (lol), so it's like take and give, actually.

why do I love chocolate? because, basically, i love sweets. and what's good about chocolate is that it can be your moodbooster. like seriously whenever you sad, just eat chocolate. and also, THEY'RE SO GOOD I CAN'T EVEN. Whenever i'm in a supermarket and pass the chocolate section and see Hershey's, Cadbury, Silverqueen, Snickers, M&Ms, Ritter Sport and etc., I'm always like "can u not" because they're all my guilty pleasure, ahhahah :)))

In this occasion, i'd like to thank people whom i love: Mum, thank you for carrying me and take care of me, i know i'll never pay all the things that you did to me, even you helped me with my History homework several hours ago, but i hope this would be enough to make you smile; Dad, thank you for being the coolest dad in this world and pay for all my supplies; my bro, thanks for being okay whenever i bully you, hahaha!; all of my friends, thanks for being by my side all the time, and share your laugh and tears with me; and the ex-es, i know this is not necessarily needed but thanks for giving me lessons so i could be better at falling hard for someone. <3

so in conclusion, even if today's almost over here in East Borneo, happy valentine (for those who celebrate it)!

i love you all! <3

P.S: the Kelud mt has erupted this morning. Pray for them and share your love by giving sympathy to them, and also the victims of Sinabung eruption.

oh btw here is a photo with my friend<3

02.10.14

yep. it's today. i had mixed feelings today.

i was happy because i met my friends, and chit-chat over things. and also beat my friend's argument in today's debate, even though i didn't win the debate but whatever. i felt like winning.

i was kinda disappointed because my dad wouldn't let me travel abroad by myself and the fact that i'm such a crybaby and still being my daddy's little girl and not having any courage to convince him that i can do things on my own. i felt touched when my uncle kinda support me and i cried my feelings out. Secretly. (Shit, i'm crying as i write this.)

and the last, i was mad because of certain things. the fact that people who were always nice to me secretly talked behind moi. i actually ok with that but it was kinda awkward to be with them. and also, my history teacher (again). he gave us - me! - a lot of assignment! mind map, another mind map, making some kind of flash cards, and then summaries. i just can't stand it anymore, like really. i swore a lot as i got home this afternoon, sorry about that sir.

and today's monday. so, it's 7 days to go until i fly to Jakarta to participate on Binus' 2014 AEO! exciting, huh? to all my fellow friends, especially the ones who join speech; be confident with your ability. you've practiced and tried your best, so i know you can do this thing! it's not always about winning but it's about the experience that you'll get. don't say things that will bring you down even more, ok?

xoxo,
Audrey

Munch Munch Munch - Happy Birthday!

Today I was invited by a friend to her birthday lunch (?) and we were eating pizza and stuff and I ate a lot! Hahahah sorry about that but I hadnt eaten anything before the lunch. And also by the time i arrived at the mall i realized i hadnt bought anything for the present so I bought it first and came to my friend at Pizza Hut, lol 😁 (A little spoiler for that, sis)

Her name is Nida and she's 16 now! Happy birthday! Wish u all the best, thankyou for treating 4 of us (Amel, Icha, Leony, and moi) and sorry for eating too much! 😚🎂🎉

My fav so far!! - latest trends

Songs:

-You got it on - jt

-indonesian oldskool songs such as kahitna

-the love club - lorde

-mango tree - angus and julia stone

-charlie brown - coldplay

-misread - kings of convenience

(Ok sorry for the lame playlist but im def in love with those songs dont judge)

Food:

-That snack in cafetaria at school

-chocolates!! Ugh i always love chocs

(Can someone give me on valentine's day hahaha nah lol)

-healthy chips. This snack contains kinds of cassava actually

-cadbury hot chocolate. Don't ask why.

-my mum's katetong (idk how to spell it bcs its dutch and in indonesia we call it lidah kucing cookies)

I always love eating. Yep.

Movies&dramas:

-[korean drama] prime minister and I!! The plot is just epic i cant even

-[korean drama] reply 1994&1997. I always love love story as long as the actor is cute, eheh.

-[another korean drama] dating agency. I always listen to the OST songs because they're just great ok

-[movies] silver linings playbook omg

-[movies] pitch perfect ZOMFGGG yea i know i watched kinda old movies but it's because i only wanna watch what i wanna watch

Misc:

-flappy bird. (I bet you always say things like "WTF WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GOT HIT BY A FUCKING PIPE SHLBSOOSjzjalsbskkajsjsbnsiis" yea ikr)

-listening to my parents' stories. I may laugh out loud or just moved to tears by hearing them

-after school nap. Heaven on earth.

-watching Running Man on friday nights.

That's all, i guess. Sorry for being 2 lame 4 u.

Am i changing?

I didnt like watching movies and dramas at first (well actually i still dont; im sort of picky about it), and since i entered high school, i practically spent my whole leisure time watching marathon dvds (of course i only watch what i wanna watch), i didnt like make-ups, but now i apply face powder and lip-balm every day. i used to be a little more nerdy back in elementary, and people (i mean, girls) bullied me softly by throwing inapropiate jokes and told me to do things, and as an effect i usually hurt people by saying offensive things and throwing inapropriate jokes as well, and then now i feel comfort with my friends here in Samarinda. They didnt push me to do or not to do things, i can be what i want. I am better here. And also, i start to like guys. I always fangirl-ing over idols and cute guys. I overthink things. I cry often. Even, i used to obey my parents but i rebel a little bit now. 

Am i changing?

Speaking of which, there are also things that never changed. I always love reading, especially fiction. But nowadays i read lots of english novel than indonesian. I always listen to almost all kinds of genre, but lately i love ariana grande songs. And there are things that bring me memories that i dont wanna remember, but i try to rid them all and be all grown-up facing my probs.

Am i gonna be a saint or sinner?

Once again, folks, am I changing?

How to survive any school exam

Uhm, so basically i'm writing this because i'll have daily exams tomorrow and tuesday. And i usually do these things when i'm studying. Believe me, studying is waaaay more fun if you do these:

1. Before studying, make sure that you've taken bath and your study space is tidy. Because you'll feel uncomfort and tend to procrastinate yourself if you're not tidy. Yep.

2. Get enough light. And your eyes will obviously damaged if you're studying in dark, duh.

3. Make your studying playlist. Anything that you wanna hear, happy songs, ballads, or anything that make your mood boost such as rock music, put it to your studying playlist. So you won't be disturbed because of skipping songs (hehe).

4. Last but not least, don't push yourself too hard on studying. Read your materials slowly so you can understand, and not only memorize it. Never push yourself to study, like, 3 hours or more. Because 3 hours studying means nothing if you don't understand a thing, isn't it? Also, never stay too late at night just to study. Or if you want to, wake up early and you can read the materials.

Oh ya, don't forget to pray and stay fit! When studying beat the shit out of you, you won't be able to do the exam. And in that case, you're a loser, not a winner!

Happy studying^^

Idk

Haiiii!!!

Sori2 banget nih jarang nulis disini, emg aslinya ga telaten ngurus ginian sih, hehe..... Plus, lagi banyak tugas sm ulangan bangeeet. Tugas matematika, bahasa inggris, ekonomi, sejarah..... (Sengaja di-bold ya) aduuuh banyak banget deh. Yang di bold tadi, kenapa di bold, soalnya itu yang paling bikin stres. I mean, who wants to die from making too much mindmaps?! Apalagi kata gurunya gini:

"Kalian akan terus saya kasih tugas mindmap, kalo perlu mati konyol sekalian."

Dude, do we have to do that assignment like all this semester?! Do you think we don't have anything to do other than your subject?!

Tapi yaudalah ya. :<

Then, ada ulangan harian seminggu ini. Tadi ada matematika wajib, terus besok ada ekonomi, dan kamis ada biologi dan matematika peminatan. (Yes, 2 maths in a week. Screw 2013 curriculum, yep.)

And also, hari ini harusnya ambil buku tahunan, tapi gajadi (which is good), kenapa? Soalnya pas ditanyain gada yg jawab pdhl tadi udah ke sekolah dan ternyata udah pada ambil. --" and when my friend sent me the photographs, the yearbook was a disaster. Kenapa? 

1) MUKA W AIB BANGET HAH TOLONG.

2) BANYAK TYPONYA PARAH. Nama gue masa jadi "nur sadrinnah imannisa" which is super epic i want to throw grenades to whoever made our yearbook.

3) temen2 pada banyak bgt yg typo di tanggal lahir. Luckily, mine's fine.

So basically today's kinda disastrous but YAUDALAH YA :( 

Terus, berhubung ini udah Februari, so i have less than 2 weeks before i go to JAKARTA to join 2014 AEO! Ahem, yay. Or nay. 

Fav Songs

Okay I don't really have any because I usually get bored easily (and also moody) but for now I have some! They're on my playlist, I named it 'Moody' because I change my old songs on that playlist when I get bored with the old ones so yeah.

Here are my fav songs of the.....I don't know, at the moment?
-Honeymoon Avenue - Ariana Grande
-Right There (ft. Big Sean) - Ariana Grande
-Mirror - Ellie Goulding
-Elastic Heart - Sia ft. The Weeknd and Diplo
-Ringa Linga - Taeyang Bigbang
-Wings - Birdy
-All You Never Say - Birdy
-You Got It On - JT

And probably my forever favorite song is..... Disturbance - BoA!! HAHAHAH sorry for being too melancholic but it brings me certain memories whenever i play the song.

P.S: actually all of my songs do.

My ho-li-day!

Soooo back in December 21st 2013, it was my first day of holiday and my mum already booked 4 flight tickets. Where did I go? I went back to Jakarta!! ((Ah finally)).

Well, I met all my friends there: my lovely neighbors, my family, my home at Ciputat, my friends and then my hangout places💖💖💖 I missed them so much i couldnt say with words hahahah!!! (I'm missing them now actually). The first place i visited was my nana's house. I met my uncle, aunts and my nana (ofc). I was so happy to meet them!! 😘. And then i visited my another nana, and i met my aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course, my cutest nieces!! Aww they were soo cute~

And then I met my another cousins and met my aunt, Mama Maya aka Mama Ira aka Ira Maya Sopha. (I havent told you about my relation to her, have i? Like seriously i'm not lying about her being my aunt all these times, hahah). Seeing them, it made me happy because it's been awhile since the last time i met them❤️

And all i did in Jakarta was shopping and eating and DVD marathon-ing (lol). I bought some cds and english novels like The Elite and The Great Gatsby (don't judge me). I ate a lot, and i gained 3 kgs when i arrived back in Samarinda :((( well that was because i ate what i couldnt find back here in Samarinda, so no wonder. I ate Dairy Queen's nutella blizzard and Coldstone and Domino's Pizza and Pepper Lunch and ordered McDonalds at midnight when I had sleepover with my little friends (because they're only 11). I love those moments so bad i want to repeat it again :((( and I watched Datin Agency: Cyrano and The Heirs with my aunttttt❤️ I remembered that time after the New Year's eve party in my townhouse with some neighbors, I walked home and watched The Heirs until 4:30 am while my aunt fell asleep already.......HAHAHAHAHAH🎉

Ooooh I miss those moments so bad I think I didnt wanna go home and just stayed in Jakarta forever! 💔

A tiny chit-chat from me

I know it's too late but.....

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! ❤️

It's January already and that means i'm gonna be 16 in 3 months!! About my report card? Aduh. HAHAHHAHA no just kidding, i got good scores for every subjects but i couldnt really know the actual score since the latest curriculum's report was different. The report was like A-B-C-D and it used a score index. The lowest was one and the highest was four so yeah. But i did pretty good after all :)

I know i havent posted anything since my last post and i'm sorry about that. I'll tell ya about my holiday back in Jakarta in Dec 2013. Keep stalking 💖